Occasionally, I throw out a personal post. I always a get a super positive response when I get all emotional and pour my heart out. Why not give the people what they want, right? I’m having an emotional past few weeks. It’s bound to pour out anyway. So, here we go…
I’ve been thinking long and hard lately about slowing down. Some days it feels like everything I do is just going through the motions, and at the end of the day, I can hardly think of a single moment where I felt full. Full of life, or hope, or compassion, or really anything. I’ve allowed myself to get so busy with life that I’ve stopped living.
My new favorite place in the world is the steam room at the gym. I work out and then spend 10 or 15 minutes just sitting in there. After my initial 60 seconds of thinking about how the place has to be just crawling with all sorts of nastiness, I shut my mind down. I think about the sweat rolling down my skin, the warmth on my face, the thick air going into my lungs. I become more in-tune to my body and the little aches and pains. I correct my posture, because it turns out sitting up straight feels good. For 10 minutes I sit completely present. I don’t let myself think about anything other than siting in that room, in that moment.
It’s a practice I’m really trying to carry into the rest of my life. It’s easy in the steam room when stimulus is at a minimum. Scratch that, it’s not even easy in there. It takes focus and intention. Day to day life it’s even harder, though. Maybe nothing is more important than my time in that steam room. It’s there that I’m learning and teaching myself not to miss out on moments like these.
It’s so easy to let my mind run wild. It’s easy to worry about what I’ll make for dinner, if Jolie will sleep well tonight, if I should grocery shop today or tomorrow, if my family’s health will last, if I’m a good mom, if I’m a good person, if I’m even getting this life thing right at all.
It’s when I miss soaking in every kiss she gives me that I know I’m missing the whole point of living.
When I don’t soak in a good view, I’m missing it.
When I don’t get outside and enjoy nature, I’m missing it.
When I drink my coffee on the run instead of sitting down to really enjoy it, I’m missing it.
When I’m not quite enough to really listen to other people, I’m missing it.
When I’m not taking time to do the things I love, I’m missing it.
When I let anxiety and fears of the future keep me from pursuing my dreams, I’m missing it.
When I don’t take time to notice and all the beautifully ordinary things happening around me..I’m missing it.
I’m heading into the most important phase of my life. I’m raising the next generation of adults. It’s so crucial that I slow down, that I take time to be filled… Filled with happiness and joy, compassion and understanding, acceptance and tolerance, love for nature. If I’m not taking the time to be filled with these things, I have nothing to pass on to Jolie.
It’s time to slow down. It’s time to take a walk, read a good book, have good conversations with friends, spend time with family, pay attention to the food I’m putting into my body and care for it.
It’s time to be present.